Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
