If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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