That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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