I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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