I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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