It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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