Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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