Im at strip club and am horny
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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