So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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