You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
