He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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