WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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