A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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