i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
