my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize