Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
