i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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