I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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