those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
