I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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