Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
