Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
