Need sex. Gaining weight.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
