I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize