I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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