well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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