god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
