JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
