Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
