I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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