That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
