She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
