A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
