god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
