i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
