They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
