i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
