Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
