apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
