Pants 0. Shit 1.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
