you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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