we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
