Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
