i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She bit a glass in half.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
