There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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