Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize