Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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