i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
