I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
