3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
