It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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