im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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