Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Drake has all the answers
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
