you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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