i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
