I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
