I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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