I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
