walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
