I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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