his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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