weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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