yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
