Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
