oh god the rape fog is back!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
