These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
