I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
