and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize